Two phrases I hear on a regular basis: motivation and accountability.
From purchasers, readers, and individuals who need to get more healthy however can’t appear to make it stick.
Whereas they sound easy, each are literally…difficult.
When somebody says, “I simply want extra accountability,” what that basically means can range quite a bit.
- Typically it’s about programs and construction.
- Typically it’s about readability on their targets and learn how to obtain them.
- And generally, it’s about how we personally reply to expectations – each from ourselves and from others.
Why no single “system” suits everybody
If you happen to’ve ever learn books like Atomic Habits by James Clear, The Energy of Behavior by Charles Duhigg, or Change by Chip and Dan Heath, you already know there are lots of frameworks on the market for understanding habits.
After 15 years of teaching, right here’s what I’ve discovered:
None of those programs are foolproof. None of them absolutely seize how advanced folks actually are.
However that’s not the purpose. Each is a lens. A brand new vantage level that helps us see our habits and struggles in a different way.
And whenever you’re caught, generally that’s precisely what you want: a contemporary perspective that provides you a brand new technique to strategy issues.
Enter The 4 Tendencies
A number of years in the past, our total teaching group learn The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin, and it offered some actually key insights that we’ve baked into our teaching program and the way we take into consideration serving to folks ever since.
The essential idea is that this: folks reply to inside and exterior expectations in a different way. By understanding which expectations you thrive with, and that are a wrestle, you possibly can work with your pure tendencies as a substitute of combating towards them.
The most typical tendency we see is The Obliger.
Obligers are the glue of a group or household. They meet outer expectations (deadlines, commitments, serving to others), however resist inside ones (self-care, private targets, boundaries).
Sound acquainted?
If you happen to’ve ever mentioned:
“I do know what I needs to be doing… however I can’t appear to do it for me,”
…you may be on this group.
One in all our purchasers described it completely:
“Each little bit of vitality feels consumed by surviving my workday, assembly the wants of my household, serving to with the wants of others… there’s too little self-care and self-prioritization in my life right now.
I do know I convey the scenario upon myself. I’m wired to decide to issues, to be concerned, to need to be wanted and valued and acknowledged. But it surely comes at a worth. The calls for from different folks or issues go away little left for me.”
That’s the Obliger expertise in a nutshell.
And let me be clear, this isn’t about weak spot or lack of willpower.
Actually, Obligers get SO MUCH accomplished.
The issue is that they usually sacrifice their very own targets to assist others, which may result in well being challenges within the long-run.
How we assist Obligers succeed
At Nerd Health Teaching, we assist Obligers by offering three key helps: exterior accountability, Dial Mode changes, and monitoring wins as they accumulate to bolster and reward their progress.
Right here’s how one can translate these into your personal apply:
- A coach or exercise buddy you checks in and celebrates wins with you
- A guidelines or tracking system that makes your progress seen
- Constructing out a Dial Mode – i.e. a plan for various kinds of days so you possibly can modify accordingly and keep away from burnout
- Reframing targets as one thing that advantages others – i.e. “I’m exercising so I’ve extra vitality for my children.”
As you’ll discover, a number of of these are about externalizing your accountability.
Right here’a one other enjoyable tactic: write a letter out of your future self to your present self thanks for exhibiting up. That is the precise factor that clicked for my consumer Gina. When issues received hectic, writing that letter made her really feel accountable to her future self (in a great way!). That easy shift helped her keep constant via a chaotic month.
The Hidden Hazard: burnout and the “pause button”
Obligers usually tackle an excessive amount of.
They juggle one million competing expectations – deadlines, household, coworkers, neighborhood.
And when all of it will get too heavy, they have a tendency to hit the large pink pause button on SOME of these.
“I simply can’t take care of all of this proper now. I’ll get again to it later.”
Completely comprehensible. And in reality, it’s an act of self-preservation. They CAN’T maintain going at 100 miles per hour.
We regularly see people on this state of affairs attempt to lower out all of those exterior expectations with the hope that they’ll lastly have time to concentrate on themselves later.
It sounds logical, but it surely often backfires.
As a result of Obligers truly thrive with some type of exterior accountability.
So the important thing isn’t to eradicate expectations. It’s to curate them.
Listed here are just a few counterintuitive questions I wish to ask to do exactly that:
What are the advantages of NOT shifting in the direction of aim X proper now?
And what are the results of continuous to maneuver in the direction of it?
By reversing the previous “professional/con” listing, we will get lots of readability on what feels good to you!
Large image takeaway
Motivation and accountability aren’t one-size-fits-all.
Understanding your “tendency” offers you a brand new lens – and utilizing instruments particular to your wants will increase your possibilities of success within the long-run.
If you wish to see the place you land, you possibly can take the free quiz from Gretchen right here -> https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/
Let me know which tendency you get! (I’m a Questioner! 🙋♂️)
-Matt
P.S. Enjoyable truth: ~60% of the folks we work with at Nerd Health Teaching determine as Obligers. Everybody’s wants are totally different, which is why we design teaching round you, not generic motivation hacks. If that sounds just like the sort of construction you’ve been lacking, I’d love to speak to you. Simply hit reply to this electronic mail. ❤️
