I’ve all the time had high standards for myself. In my life, in my relationships, and even in my magnificence and wellness rituals. I need to maximize each second of my life—and for those who’re studying this, you may in all probability relate. For a lot of my life, I needed to work on releasing the disgrace of being “too intense” or “too formidable” that many ladies get saddled with. However over time, I noticed there’s a positive line between holding your self to a excessive customary and holding your self hostage to perfection.
However right here’s the factor: while you’re used to chasing perfection, it’s simple to start out chasing approval, too. Navigating social expectations and cultural milestones could make you second-guess your self—what you need, who you’re, and whether or not you’re doing “sufficient.” You will get so caught up making an attempt to measure as much as the place you ought to be that you find yourself on a hamster wheel, endlessly making an attempt to catch up. And no hamster wheel is extra seductive than the Sizzling Woman Hamster Wheel: the set of aesthetic codes and wellness rituals we inherit by means of tendencies and custom. It’s solely while you step off that you simply begin to discover what actually looks like you—and what’s simply distraction dressed up as self-improvement.
Picture above from our interview with Simone Boyce
What’s the ‘Sizzling Woman Hamster Wheel’?
The time period ‘Sizzling Woman Hamster Wheel’ was coined by Katie Gatti Tassin, aka Money With Katie, on her podcast and lately in her new guide, Rich Girl Nation. However what’s the Sizzling Woman Hamster Wheel? In keeping with Tassin, it’s “the costly upkeep that conventional feminine magnificence beliefs prescribe: haircuts, manis/pedis, spray tans… the record goes on.” And it’s a hamster wheel due to how a lot upkeep goes into our magnificence routines. (Which might begin to really feel extra like obligations than rituals.) And, after all, the older we get, the extra strain we really feel to do extra to look perpetually 25.
As a monetary skilled, Tassin approaches this topic by asking why nobody is speaking about simply how costly it’s to be a girl. The common lady spends over $3000 a year on magnificence, and a few of us considerably extra for those who consider wellness remedies and in-spa procedures. However past the greenback quantity, there’s one other value of the compulsory Sizzling Woman Hamster Wheel: your genuine interior radiance.
The True Price of Magnificence
Tassin acknowledges that for many people, magnificence is tied not solely to self-expression but in addition to self-care. However at what level does it shift from a wholesome method of exhibiting up on the planet to an exhausting effort to fulfill others’ expectations?
Once we step off the hamster wheel, we are able to reconnect with what makes us really feel like ourselves—and let go of what makes us really feel like anyone else.
Under, we unpack how the Sizzling Woman Hamster Wheel can subtly form your routines—and how one can reclaim your magnificence rituals with intention and ease.
Are you on the Sizzling Woman Hamster Wheel?
Keep in mind how thrilling magnificence used to really feel? From my center faculty inauguration into sparkly lip gloss and much more sparkly eyeshadow to experimenting with merchandise in early maturity, I bear in mind how euphoric it felt to play costume up and discover pleasure in my very own face. It felt like a canvas to discover—till it didn’t. In some way, my face began to really feel like an issue to pluck and peel and paint into submission.
The worst a part of all of it? It labored. I received hooked on the sensation of exterior validation I received from performing magnificence as I had seen it marketed in magazines and on social media. All of the sudden, my routine began to really feel like an obligation, not an journey.
In keeping with Tassin, the hamster wheel creeps up on you thru upkeep—as a result of, as she places it, “every remedy, service, and product should be maintained.” Like limitless streaming subscriptions, you usually don’t notice how a lot time, effort, and cash you’re spending to maintain up appearances till you pause and ask a easy query: why?
Should you really feel such as you’re on a trip you may’t get off—and your magnificence rituals go away you extra drained than fulfilled—you is likely to be on the Sizzling Woman Hamster Wheel. Most of us find yourself there in some unspecified time in the future. As a magnificence editor, I’m consistently balancing my love for magnificence and wellness with the fragility of perfectionism.
However what if each step of your magnificence routine felt devotional as a substitute of dutiful? What for those who freed up that point, cash, and psychological area for what truly brings you pleasure? After I deal with what feels good slightly than what earns compliments, I discover the braveness to step off the validation wheel—and again into myself.
Learn how to Step Off the Sizzling Woman Hamster Wheel
Calculate the Prices
For Tassin, stepping off the Sizzling Woman Hamster Wheel began with a monetary incentive. She realized she was spending greater than 10% of her annual earnings on costly magnificence upkeep. Much more alarming, she realized she usually used magnificence routines as a option to self-soothe. She would guide a wax and hair remedy and mani-pedi at any time when she felt unhappy—all the time discovering that she emerged much less fulfilled.
Perhaps the creeping prices of your magnificence routine alarm you, too—or possibly the toll is extra emotional. My wake-up name got here once I realized my magnificence repairs had turn out to be an alternative to true relaxation. I used to be looking for a reset in my month-to-month facials and a second of calm in my manicures. However once I started discovering these emotions in real wellness rituals, I noticed how a lot I’d been clinging to comfort and behavior.
For you, the associated fee is likely to be time, effort, or resolution fatigue. So usually, we pile on extra merchandise and practices with out actually being intentional about our why. And a scarcity of intentionality is on the coronary heart of most inner dissonance.
Pare Again Your Routine
What would occur for those who canceled your upkeep appointments for the following month? Should you stripped again to the naked minimal of your magnificence rituals—from a minimalist skincare routine to a barefaced (or no-makeup make-up) product toolkit?
This isn’t about turning into a magnificence minimalist for those who don’t need to be. Going again to fundamentals offers you an entire reset. It additionally helps you face any residual concern about not being your most put-together self. Like getting into a chilly plunge, it may be uncomfortable at first, however you’ll be stunned at how invigorated you are feeling after.
Have No Disgrace About Your Non-Negotiables
There are particular stuff you won’t need to surrender—the rituals that really feel important to your self-expression or that you simply’ve refined over years of follow. After I gave up mani-pedis, I noticed I didn’t want them month-to-month; saving them for an occasional deal with truly made them really feel extra luxurious. However any time I’ve tried to do much less with my hair, I find yourself pissed off and, truthfully, barely recognizing myself within the mirror.
My month-to-month hair appointments keep. So does my elaborate skincare routine. Figuring out my non-negotiables helps me admire which rituals make me really feel most like myself—and that are merely good to have.
Reintroduce the Issues You Miss
Identical to private model, having your individual magnificence toolkit helps you outline your signature look. Ask your self: What routines make your soul sing? Which merchandise do your palms instinctively attain for? What appointments do you secretly miss including again to your calendar?
Some individuals really feel bare and not using a purple lip. I used to depend mascara as my must-have—till I noticed that curling my lashes is sufficient for me (although others would possibly take into account that sacrilege). On the flip aspect, discovering that I might by no means surrender my under-eye tightening remedy made me admire it much more. I used to fret it was “an excessive amount of” and saved it for particular events, however now it’s one among my favourite elements of my every day ritual.
When each step of your routine is curated for you—not for anybody else—the dread of spending an hour in your make-up disappears. It turns into a ritual, not an obligation.
Give Your self Permission to Evolve
Tassin said it best: “[My beauty habits] have been fossilized in my vanity. I needed to chip away at much more than simply {dollars} and cents so as to unpack my monetary selections within the magnificence realm.”
Usually, our magnificence rituals turn out to be the armor we put on to really feel protected transferring by means of the world. And so they’re not nearly vainness—fairly privilege is actual, together with the racial, ageist, and class-based expectations that form our definition of magnificence. Stepping off the Sizzling Woman Hamster Wheel can carry up sophisticated feelings that run deeper than whether or not or to not ditch your lip liner.
Don’t ignore these emotions. Journal them out. Sit with them. This reflection is a part of uncovering your why—and creating area on your instinct to information your rituals, main you towards your most genuine, radiant self.
Most significantly, give your self permission to evolve. You won’t change a single factor about your magnificence habits, otherwise you would possibly allow them to shift with the seasons of your life—like intuitive consuming or dopamine dressing. What issues is that you simply lead with intention. As a result of true radiance doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from alignment.
