In Greek mythology, the story of Sisyphus is a couple of man who was punished for eternity by endlessly having to push a large boulder up a hill as it could roll again down every time simply earlier than reaching the highest. Some interpretations of the story view this wrestle as describing an limitless and pointless activity. However one other, written by Albert Camus in his essay, The Myth of Sisyphus, concludes by explaining that it’s the wrestle that “is sufficient to fill a person’s coronary heart.” The piece ends with the road, “One should think about Sisyphus pleased.”
Getting again on the horse . . .
In some ways, proper now I really feel like Sisyphus. However I’m not pleased. I see the story of Sisyphus a bit in another way. Whereas he might have been condemned to push the boulder up the hill for eternity, any real-world interpretation of this should account for our free will to interact in such wrestle. And whereas wrestle brings change and progress, it doesn’t assure happiness.
Final week, I wrote about all I achieved in coaching for the NYC Marathon that I did not run due tearing my hamstring 5 days earlier than the race. That continues to be true, and I stay sure that the emotional ache comes from a superb place. It represents all that I achieved. However per week later, as I look in direction of coaching for subsequent yr’s race, the scars are actual. I all the time knew that operating a marathon is fragile, however maybe naively, I didn’t notice it was this fragile.
There’s a deep that means behind the expression, “getting again on the horse.” It’s not nearly beginning over once more. It represents the worry and anxiousness of taking over a course of that resulted in ache. It’s not simple, and there are occasions in my life the place I let that insecurity maintain me again.
As a younger teenager, I as soon as fell whereas ice skating and landed on my naked head. I used to be recognized with a concussion, and it took a number of months earlier than I attempted to go skating once more. Once I did, I used to be afraid, and I left the ice. A number of years later, I attempted once more, however the pleasure was misplaced. I struggled at it and by no means actually took it up once more. Deep down, I knew that I missed the chance to get again on the horse after I waited for thus lengthy after my concussion. The worry simply continued to mount after that. There’s nothing out of the odd on this story, however it speaks to why, it may be higher to be Sisyphus than to make use of one’s free will to surrender. Sisyphus by no means allowed the self-doubt he certainly endured to intervene together with his pursuit to achieve the highest.
Making an attempt again and again doesn’t imply condemnation to failure . . .
One other space the place I differ in my interpretation of Sisyphus is whether or not he was really condemned to maintain failing. A quote I just lately heard that rings so true to me is, “it’s solely unimaginable as a result of it hasn’t been achieved but.” This, once more, is the place I really feel like Sisyphus. It’s not that it was unimaginable to achieve the highest of the hill with the boulder, it’s simply that it doesn’t all the time occur merely since you strive laborious.
Greater than ever, I do know there’s no assure that I’ll end the marathon. I’ve mentioned that before, however what makes this dream so particular is that it as soon as felt unimaginable. But, by the expertise I’ve gained from coaching and making an attempt, I do know it was solely ever unimaginable as a result of I haven’t achieved it but. The one approach to change that’s to maintain making an attempt. As Andrew Chook wrote in his tune, Sisyphus, “I’d slightly fail like a mortal than flail like a god on a lightning rod.” Which brings me to my subsequent lesson about Sisyphus . . .
The one failure is the failure to study . . .
If there’s any true tragedy within the story, it’s that Sisyphus saved doing the identical factor over and over anticipating a distinct outcome. That’s extensively referred to as the definition of insanity, and it’s right here the place I refuse to imagine I’m Sisyphus. The one approach to get that boulder onto the highest of the hill is to study from the prior failures. So, as I take this time to clear my head, begin bodily remedy, and mirror on the journey, I’ve repeatedly requested myself “What did I do mistaken?” And “What would I do in another way?” I’ve some ideas on that starting from how I reply to ache and discomfort to how I steadiness coaching and life. I don’t have all of the solutions but, however I’ve realized from this. I do know my physique higher – each by way of how a lot it will possibly do and when it wants relaxation or therapy. I do know my thoughts higher too – by way of its skill to focus intensely on this and its must let go at instances. And I do know that I simply acquired so shut that I can not let worry cease me from this. However none of that equates to happiness.
Sisyphus needn’t really feel pleased . . .
The sensation of not getting that boulder to the highest of the hill leaves me feeling empty – extra so than I knew final week. As I walked by the town final Monday, I may spot a few of those that ran the marathon typically by the way in which they walked so gingerly. They did so with pleasure, as some even wore the medal they earned. I walked gingerly with them, however with no medal to indicate for it.
As an alternative, I stand right here on the backside of the hill able to strive as soon as once more push to the boulder to the highest. As I achieve this, I notice that I don’t even wish to really feel pleased but. If I did, it could reduce the will to achieve the final word outcome. I would like happiness to come back from success. I would like it to be a part of what I’m striving to realize.
As I’ve written earlier than, I’ve visualized the marathon so typically together with numerous instances I’ve seen myself crossing the end line. Whereas there’s numerous progress and reward within the journey, I see the smile that comes because the medal is put round my neck. Happiness lies in getting the boulder to the highest of the hill. Not as a result of it’s the vacation spot, however as a result of it’s a step within the bigger journey the place I then wish to attain for extra. Sisyphus needn’t really feel pleased but. I wouldn’t need him to. I wish to know that he’s reaching for the emotional reward that comes from attaining the aim.
There’s a distinction between disappointment and despair. Despair is void of hope. The disappointment I really feel right now, and that I wish to think about Sisyphus feeling, doesn’t and shouldn’t take away the all that’s gained from the wrestle, nor ought to it forestall the braveness to pursue the dream. Disappointment just isn’t, as Camus says, “the rock’s victory.” Moderately it’s the hope for the smile to come back when the aim is achieved. Camus isn’t totally mistaken in his penultimate line when he wrote, “The wrestle itself in direction of the heights is sufficient to fill a person’s coronary heart.” But it surely needn’t be stuffed totally with pleasure. It’s okay for disappointment to carry a spot within the coronary heart that motivates the will to succeed. It’s alright to take satisfaction within the journey and really feel the emotional ache of failing to realize the dream. It’s alright to hope for the elation that comes with the medal. For me, it’s what drives the will to spend eternity making an attempt, if want be.
Aaron
